Ever just stopped in your tracks and gazed at something wonderful?
I have. And I’m sure you have too.
On a clear dark night you can see the most beautiful sights right above your head.
If you’re in an area with minimal light pollution, you can see the most astonishing sights. If you gaze long enough, fainter stars begin to fade in from the darkness.
There is nothing more thought provoking then putting our place in the Universe into perspective.
We are but one planet among billions. We orbit a star which is one of several million billion other stars, we live in a galaxy which is one of many billions.
We are a tiny speck of dust on the near infinite plane of the Universe.
Outrage about the supposed victim blaming shown on this NHS poster has spread like wildfire across the internet.
It is a poster, part of the “Know Your Limits” campaign, with the message “One in three reported rapes happens when the victim has been drinking”.
It does not have the purpose to inflict blame on to rape victims.
It has the purpose to raise awareness of the facts that if you are intoxicated you are vulnerable to rape. The more intoxicated you are, the more vulnerable you are. Advise and awareness like this are preventative measures. If your door is unlocked, or your bag is unzipped, then there is an easier opportunity for a crime to be committed against you. .
It is the same as the police advising us to lock our doors, keep your bag zipped when out and about etc.
It is never your fault that someone else decided to take that opportunity. Be it theft, assault or rape, it is never the victims fault that you were the one the perpertrater chose as their victim, for whatever reason that was.
“Three in three rapes happen when a person decides to rape.” I’ve seen this as a edit to the poster and I completely agree with it.
However, until we can stop rapists from raping, posters like this are for awareness to prevent yourself from becoming a victim of rape by not making yourself easier target. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol impairs your judgement, can knock you out all which make you vulnerable.
It’s common sense to lock your house up when you leave to prevent burglary but they can still smash a window, just as being drunk isn’t a guarantee to getting raped but it increases the chances of someone taking advantage as burglars do with unlocked doors at night.
This is not a poster to blame victims, it is a poster of awareness to prevent yourself from becoming a victim. KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
Keep aware and sensible, because especially in the UK, most people go out to get smashed and what could happen while they’re passed out could be prevented if they were a little more sober.
The thought of having children in the future with the man I love fills me with both joy and horror.
The horror is not about what you may be thinking, the sleepless nights and temper tantrums do not worry me, no.
It is the world I will be bringing them into that horrifies me.
If I had a daughter, I hope that she will grow into a beautiful woman, successful in all that she does and I hope that she finds happiness wherever and with whoever she chooses.
Though I know that on her journey to settling down, she will face some horrors. She will be subjected to the lustful eyes of teenage boys, and even perverse men.
She will go to house parties and drunken gatherings, with or without my permission, and will have to push off the unwanted intoxicated advances of the boy who has loved her innocent beauty since their first year at school and submit to her life long crush and he leads her to a vomit smelling bedroom for what he wants her to want and her friends tell her she’s be wanting.
Peer pressure – society’s excuse.
I know that there is a chance that she could be stripped of her dignity and her innocence because of that little pill someone slipped into her drink. She could walk home to be surrounded by a man willing to take advantage of the lateness of the hour, the darkness of the sky, only for the police and jury to blame her outfit on what happened to her. She asked for what they did to her because of what she wore.
The amount of bare skin on show or how a woman acts does not give any man any right to rape her. Rape is only about power.
I know she will work herself to death to climb the career ladder to the height as some of her male peers will fly to only being paid the same as her male junior.
Once she does settle down, she will face daily sexism and misogyny in the work place, in the street, on social networking sites, on web forums, even in the memories of her past relationships.
Because she is a woman.
If I had a son, I hope he will grow into a handsome man, successful in all that he does and I hope that he finds happiness wherever and with whoever he chooses.
Though I know that on his journey to settling down, he will face some horrors. He will be subjected to the lustful words of teenage boys telling him that objectifying woman is ok as he is watched by the perverse men.
He will go to house parties and drunken gatherings, with or without my permission, and will have to push off the unwanted intoxicated advances of the girl who loved him since their first day of school. He may be pressured by his peers and told that it’s cool to take that drunken girl to the vomit smelling bedroom for what he thinks he wants and she is too messed up to say no to.
Peer pressure – society’s excuse.
He will wake up either feeling guilty about what happened to the semi-naked passed-out girl sprawled next to him or guilty for not doing anything and disappointing his mates. He may even wake up and tell himself that if she was sober, she’d be ok with it and that it was his right, and will be his right to do with a woman whatever he pleases.
I know that there is a chance that he could be stripped of his dignity and his innocence because another man believes he has the right to abuse his physical power. He could walk home to be surrounded by a man willing to take advantage of the lateness of the hour, the darkness of the sky, only for the police and jury to laugh at his claims.
He will grow up with the potential to either abuse his physical power as a man to abuse and intimidate his female peers in the work place or in his relationships. Nurtured by the media and today’s society with the belief that as a man he has the right to use this power to whatever means.
Or he will grow to become a respectful man who is too afraid and embarrassed to be labeled an abuser and woman beater if he defended himself against the physical and emotional blows dealt by his female lover. #ViolenceIsViolence
Because he is a man.
This is the world we live in:
A world where girls and women are sexually assaulted and then told that their clothing choices are to blame for their suffering #RapeIsNeverTheVictim’sFault
A world where men are nurtured by the media that objectifying woman is ok.
A world where women are faced with stream of sexual remarks and catcalling by strangers daily.
A world where men are gossiped about and objectified by woman (hunk calendars etc).
A world where women are paid less for doing the same job as a man.
A world where men who suffer domestic abuse by the hand of their female partner are shunned by men and laughed at by woman.
A world where women are sent rape threats for speaking out about sexism against women and misogyny.
A world where #NotAllMen are sexist misogynists, rapists and domestic abusers and where #NotAllMen face such ordeals, sexism and abuse themselves.
But a world where #YesAllWomen face daily sexism, misogyny and abuse by our men, some men, but how are we to know which group you lie within?
I’ve been luckier than most people when it come to sexism and abuse of any kind, but I can’t help but worry about what could happen to any children I have.
All I can hope is that if I do have a daughter, I will teach her to be strong and respectful towards men, and if I have a son, I will teach him to be compassionate and respectful towards women. As that is all I can do.
Lucky that I am alive and well. Lucky to have such an amazing and supportive family. And I am lucky to have grown to be so independent so quicky. I only have me to worry about.
But I have a huge worry. Something which I ponder more often than I’d like to admit. It is a worry which is the main deal breaker for one of the most important decisions of my life.
To have or to not have a child.
Of course, I have always dreamed of having children, to be a mother. I cry in happiness at the thought of creating such a precious thing. A new person who is half of me, a part of me and will be forever.
But being a mother will make me an astronomical worrier.
I read about the horrible things that happen in the world ever day. Terrible things that happen to children, sometimes even by children. The thought of such an innocence, such a preciousness being violated in such horrible ways makes me question whether I am worthy enough to protect a child from these terrors.
You can be sheltered from the rain and not get wet, but you can always hear its repetitive taps above.
As a student, the one thing that I find most unfair is how the amount of student finance you receive depends on your household income.
Because of this, students from varying backgrounds arrive at University to find that some are in a better financial place than others based on something out of their control.
It doesn’t take into account that parents may earn a lot of money to cover the costs of many things. They may have many more children to look after, they would have a car to insure and fill with petrol, a mortgage to pay and things to buy for themselves.
I know a few people who get the minimum loan with no grant and the money they receive does not cover the cost of their accommodation. In most cases I’ve seen, their parents aren’t in the best position to help with the costs and ended up relying on their overdraft.
After accommodation costs you need to actually feed, clean and clothe yourself but if you can’t even pay for the roof over your head, how can you pay for these basic necessities?
The government should know that the cost of accommodation at University is more often than not at least £3,500. You then need money on top of this to pay for food, toiletries, and other necessary basics.
The minimum student maintenance loan that students can potentially receive could be as low as £3,575. Such students receive no grant.
The maximum student maintenance loan and grant could be £8,854.
A difference of over £5,000.
Why do the government think that these low household income students need so much?
Are parents expected to provide the extra £5,000 to those who cannot receive this amount?
It’s ridiculous.
I believe that there are two possible solutions, either:
Raise the minimum maintenance loan available. That way, the basics are covered. The government should research accommodation and food costs to find a reasonable amount which gives students enough to not find themselves struggling. Fair enough, sacrifices must be made – those en suit halls may have to be given a miss but when the cheapest of places is unaffordable, something has to be done.
Give all students the same amount of money. Everyone will owe the same amount, everyone is in the same boat. People won’t find themselves struggling to buy a tin of beans with the minimum loan while others could be strutting around the campus with new clothes and gadgets courtesy of their hefty loan. Any other money which students receive will either be from working hard in the holidays or a treat from the parents.
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